Sunday 10 July 2016

Day 16 - Limitation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I have been fighting for my limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am not fighting my limitations, when I can see I am making excuses for myself in every possible way, making excuses to avoid myself and to carry on living in the same way I always have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other people for my limited state of being, believing that it is their fault that I am here - that it is some outside constraint that stops me from living my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a secret wish for some outside agency to come and ‘save’ me from myself, to lift me up and out of my life and into another one, a life that is ‘better’. Not seeing, realising, or understanding how I have not remembered who is responsible for what I am experiencing in each moment of breath - me. Thus even if I was lifted into a ‘new life’ I would still create the same shit for myself, perhaps even on a grander level.

I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a belief that other people have a directive influence over me when in actuality I am the one moving,influencing, and directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past as a definition of myself, believing that past is what defines me - not seeing, realising, or understanding that I am defining it thus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for their choices that they have made, for their beliefs and their attitudes, and for their state of being, not seeing, realising, or understanding that there patterns are my own, and that we share nearly all of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of myself when I fail in my applications, instead of seeing, realising, and understanding that within this failure to do what I have set out to do, I can instead investigate why it is I failed, and hence dis-cover what it is that holds me back.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in my daily living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a self sabotaging of myself by worrying about what others will think of me when I express myself - hence stopping my expression before I have even begun to express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself participate in a self limiting of myself through fear of failure and fear of being wrong, not seeing, realising, or understanding that failing and being wrong is a part of the learning process, and that I need not let past experiences of humiliation at failing/being wrong guide me into not making any mistakes or failings whatsoever - through not allowing myself to ‘put myself out there’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am less than my mind and as such have no control over how I experience myself on a day to day basis.

I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I am responsible for myself in all ways, and that when I start to see myself thinking and feeling ‘I need someone or something to take me out of this rut’ - I stop I and I breathe - and I will myself to bring myself back to the realisation that it is all me, that I am responsible for All of it, for every thought, emotion/feeling, and backchat, and in realising this, to understand that I am capable of stopping whatever it is that is ‘on my mind’, through the simple understanding that it is me, and that it is showing me what I have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I will myself to investigate all memories which I have not cleared, and to expunge them from my beingness until such a point that when I think of the memory, there are no more reactions.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of failure, a fear of being wrong, a fear of embarrassment or humiliation - I stop and I breathe. I see, realise, and understand that being afraid to fail means that I do not allow myself to opportunity to expand myself. Thus I will myself to let go of the fear of failures and to understand that it is all part of the learning process, and thus to not judge failure when it does happen. Furthermore seeing, realising, and understanding that embarrassment and humiliation are thoughts and emotions that I add on to failure, within this realising that I do not need to add these on to those moments where I have ‘got it wrong’.